tl;dr

"Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one." Isaiah 44:8

"Christians seem to have a lot of difficulty witnessing to unbelievers. It is easier to talk about the church we attend than to talk about Christ."

I blame myself a lot for not knowing enough of the Bible (which is in fact still truth). I always say that I will be a witness, but in the end, when placed in a situation with my non-Christian friends, my will disappears. Instead of explaining to them my passion for Christ, the physicality of the church is brought up. My non-Christian friends question my Friday night church attendance since service is usually only held on Sundays and the pointless conversation goes on.

It seems at though I am taking the easy way around of things; never wanting to attempt the serious stuff. A-use-to-be-close friend of mine can relate. I back down way too easily when it comes to what I believe in and what I want. When it comes to my relationship with God, there should be no hesitation. I should be able to express it freely and without shame to anyone. Instead of trembling and being afraid all the time, I need to place all myself in God and believe that He's will may be done by using me as a witness.

This blog is just a long rambling, but I hope someone reads it. My heart has been all over the place recently. When I say all over the place, my priorities have been shifted, my desires are confused; basically, there is a lot of uncertainty. As people plainly put it, you can't be a man and be uncertain. A man should have leadership qualities and is the decision maker. A leader of the church should lead his people without leaving any sheep behind.

Thank you Joe Kim for putting in so much effort in tonight's Large Group discussion. Friday nights are always the blunt end of the sword with people. As I just absorbed the message and the input, one song constantly ran through my head:



As disturbing as the 2nd video was, I was ashamed of myself for laughing so hard. I tried leading my group into a more serious discussion as well, but that was incredibly difficult since I was immature enough to poke fun at such a serious topic in Christianity. Instead of seeing suffering and sinfulness, I viewed it as another Superbad or Hangover movie. I need new glasses.

During worship, the prayer came from deep within my heart. For change, for love, and for selflessness. God, I really want to see through the eyes of Jesus. Open up my eyes to the things that you see. As little as I have given tonight in Large Group, I have received an abundance.

Thanks Joe again. Must have been really tough.

Well. There is much more to say from this foolish heart of mine, but I need to wake up in 4 hours for Winterization. If you made it this far down, let me say, "I love you."

z_z

Amen.